September 4, 2009
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Toothfully Yours
Make sure to take a look at my time-stamping idea here (link) and vote if you agree. As Dan loved to say, rock the vote.
I, like any other red-blooded American, believe in capitalism, the free markets, and most of all, the accumulation of ridiculous amounts of profit. So, when my dentist calls twice annually to schedule a check-up, I don’t argue. As a patriot, I realise it is my duty to help her make the next yacht payment. That’s the system upon which our country was founded. So, I make the arrangements, update my will, and say my goodbyes.
It’s not that I dislike the dentist – she’s the friendliest robber I know, really – but that it seems like she hurts my mouth as much as she does my wallet. No matter how well I brush and floss between visits, every time I drop by she pokes and prods my gums to shreds within minutes. And sure, I realise that bacteria can be hardy little bastards to remove, but surely killing me isn’t the way to do it. Cutting off the nose to spite the face, as my mother might say (had the dentist not killed her off years ago).
So I sit there, listening idly to the whizzing, whirring, and, god-forbid, grinding, of the dentist’s tools, wondering just how close she got to my brain with that last pass at the roof of my mouth. There’s precious little skull between there and all my accumulated knowledge (scare though it may be, it’s all I have, I assure you) and I wish she’d be a little gentler. How come when I brush my teeth at home I never swear and brace myself on the chair for another go at the tooth surface?
Then, there’s the complimentary cheap toothbrush with her phone number (why give these out any more when five minutes beforehand she tells me electric toothbrushes are the way to go?) and a kiss at the door, followed by a promise to call in again soon. Of course, I promise to see her just as often as the insurance will pay for it (naturally, as a red-blooded American I thank god it isn’t some socialist government paying instead. Then who knows what might happen to my teeth?!).
It isn’t my place to say no – after all, she does have that yacht payment due.
Comments (12)
Who else do we pay to cause us pain except a dentist? Maybe tattoo artists, but other than that who else?
This reads like a kids story. I think it’s very true and very funny
i don’t mind going to the dentist. not a problem with me. although last time i didn’t like the lady cleaning my teeth and i didn’t make another appointment at that time because i didn’t want to get her again. i made an excuse. it’s about the time i usually go though so i should call and make another appointment i guess. can’t remember who it was that did my teeth last though so i can’t say “not her please!”
I have teeth.
Whoa, I didn’t know you had a WordPress until I clicked one of your links on Twitter. Cheating on Xanga, for shame!
At one point, I had actually gotten used to going to the dentist and found it relaxing. Not so much anymore though.
When i was a kid, one of my favorite places was the dentist’s office. Why? Because i was so anal about my teeth that the dental hygienist could not get over how wonderful i was. Last night i brushed my teeth twice and mouthwashed twice and only flossed once…i just wanted to make sure my teeth were nice and clean before bed…it’s amazing i have any enamel left.
Nice posting. Keep our teeth clean…………yes.
Sealy plush mattress
Hmm.
ok does it work
@trunthepaige - the ob/gyn for the mammogram! the proctologist for the colonoscopy… and personal trainers to get our butts in shape
I ¡don’t what to say because most of dentists aren’t prepared for that profession, that’s why I prefer to go to the pharmacy looking for some good medication, I hope it changes one day.