July 9, 2010
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Flip Flops: Most Annoying Footwear on Earth
Queen Decries Floppy FootwearClaims They Could Cause Downfall of the Empire
In her recent visit to New York City, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, addressed throngs of her most disobedient subjects, in the vast hall of the United Nations General Assembly. And while the wildly cheering masses had little idea what to expect from the first monarchical visit to the Big Apple in over three decades, few could have predicted the Queen would address a topic so directly related to the lives of the teeming masses across the world who live within her dominions.
Do you count yourself amongst the lucky three billion?The subject of her Highness’ tirade? Flip flops. Otherwise known as thongs, these backless sandals seem innocuous enough to some, but for the ruler of the British Empire, whose prescience is part of her divine right, the future looks glum for a world power that continues to permit such perversity. Indeed, the Queen predicted that flip flops, and the decline in British values that they represent, could even bring to its knees the mighty Empire itself, and cast into darkness all its considerable territories, and the citizens who live within those dominions.
Americans, naturally, have significant interest in this warning, having held their title as Errant Ingrate Colony of the Empire for several centuries now. Nevertheless, many in the crowd seemed unaware of the danger ahead of them, and audible gasps of shock were one of the most prominent forms of reaction from the crowd, second only to screams of undulating adoration.
Three members of the nikbv staff were executed for running this pictureHer Majesty’s three-part plan for the future of footwear in the Empire included mandatory executions of all flip-flop wearers, and a general ban on the production and ownership of backless footwear across all the royal dominions.
This is not the first time the Royal Family has taken a strong stance against an article of clothing, and is reminiscent of Prince Charles’ campaign against Bermuda shorts in the late 1980s, which led to mass riots and the deaths of 134 unfortunately clad vacationing tourists.
Comments (22)
this made me lol. the queen would not make it long in Hawaii. slippers are THE primary footwear here.
MUAHAHA. I am wearing them RIGHT NOW
the Queen really RULES people? HUH? O.o
by her standards, i am no heathen then. KING ME!
True f’ship never fades with time
becomes more tasteful like old WINE ::)) only a friend can understand words and convert the rolling tears into a smile!
I wore flip-flops to work today
Man… I won’t be doing too good… It’s all I wear (weather permitting of course) .
love it!
damn… guess I’m not proper enough for her Highness! I love my flip flops during the summer. No worries tho… I shan’t be losing any sleep over it dear Queenie!!
Flip flops are great the trick is once you make it from the car to wherever you want to be. You kick them off and go barefoot
Or it could be the decline in beliefs and morals of the UK? Just sayin…
I only wear them on the beach or around the pool as an easy-on/easy-off method of protecting my feet from hot sand or concrete. But if the Queen hates ‘em that much…
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I need to start wearing them more often.
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Particularly to tea parties
She’s never had to shower at the campgrounds.
I agree; flip flops are the worst. The sound they make while one is walking is one of the most annoying sounds on earth. *swish clap, swish clap* I’ll just continue my lifelong boycott of the stupid shoes and keep wearing my army boots, kthx. =)
@radicalramblings - Noooo! You’ll get cake crumbs between your toes. Lizzie is right!
Did someone say ‘cake crumbs’? Show me the cake crumbs!
FLIP FLOPS ARE AWESOME. The queen is just jealous cause she’s got corns on her wrinkled feet.
Her Majesty The Queen is perfectly right in holding these views. One cannot run an empire correctly while wearing flip-flops. Suppose one had to kick an insolent native in the nuts to maintain order in the realm; do you know how foolish one looks if one misses and the flip-flop flies off somewhere?
Yes, yes flip flops are corrupting the traditions and sensibilities of our sacred Anglo-Saxon civilization. If enough of our people succumb to this most base of fashion trends, society will soon go to pot and we’ll all be flip flopping around like bloody savages.
What will the riff raff do next?
OH MY GOODNESS> Could there be anything worse than FLIP FLOPS.. I am aghast!!!
Secretly, the Queen wears flip flops around her castle to protect her delicate feet from the cold floors and to let her corgi’s know that she is coming to feed them..
shhhh shhhh IT”S A SECRET!!!
Christy
Has she been to California?