October 3, 2011

• A Blog

  I hate to beat a dead horse, I really do. On the other hand, I hate it when somebody else beats me. So, I’ve got no choice. It’s another blog about @shimmerbodycream! I bet you all knew this, but for those who didn’t, she is CUTE AND SMART. Plus, she’s flossed for the second day in a row now. I’m very proud.

  I’ve been alive for a long time now. Nearly as long as I can count, in fact. You know that’s got to be a pretty long time, because I’ve got several advanced degrees, and so can count pretty high. And in all my time of living, I’ve never met a person as cool as @shimmerbodycream. She radiates cool. She’s practically freezing, actually. It makes me shiver. I wish she’d get me a sweater.

  This is like the time I saw my first husband graduate from college. I couldn’t have been prouder. Of course, that was back before hormonal birth control had turned men into blithering idiots, so it was less of an accomplishment than it seems now. The point remains, though: I’m very proud.

  There’s a funny thing about pride, you know. It starts out like this little worm in your belly. A worm slowly eating its way through your intestines. Eventually, unless a quick crushing blow from disappointment kills it, it grows so large and eats so much of your intestines that it eventually bursts forth from your body. You can’t stop it. It always makes itself known. It’s a messy, gory thing. I think there was a Hitchcock film about that. Or maybe I’m thinking of birds.

  • 6:17 pm
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