Thursday, 15 February 2007

  • My Brief Interlude with Ashley

    So I was brainlessly surfing xanga, when I spotted an ad at the top of the page for a FREE iPhone! Yay! I thought, so I clicked the link. However, it was the sort of deal where you have to do their promo stuff first. So, I followed through to one of their promo things, something to do with ebay and earning $2,000 a month for doing nothing! However, I have too much money as it is, so I went to click away from the window. However, as I did that, a message came up saying that if I would only talk to their live representative, everything would be ok! And then a window came up, with the following person trying to desperately get me to buy in. I couldn’t help but oblige.

     

    Ashley Says: Hey wait!  We hate to see you go without trying the FREE Auction Monster eBay Toolkit.   So, just this once we'd like to offer you our top selling money making eBay eBook completely free if you'll change your mind right now I can point you to our secret offer page!  That's over $300 in value for the small investment of just $1.87 Shipping and Handling.

     

    Ashley Says: Please type 'HI' or 'HELLO' in the space below to let me know you are there...

     

    Ashley Says: That's only $1.87 to try the award winning Auction Monster Toolkit, your very own Turn-key eBay site automatically built for you, a $300 starting bonus, and our top selling money making eBay eBook.  It's a great value! CLICK HERE

     

    Ashley Says: Just let me know you are there...

     

    Ashley Says: Whenever you are ready, just type 'HI' or 'HELLO' and we can get started...

     

    I let her wait for a while to show I was no fool, before replying with a clever riposte.

     

    You: You let me know you are there...

     

    And boy did she.

     

    Ashley Says: This is a limited time offer includes a Step-by-Step Quick Start Guide to start your own online business... no experience required.

     

    Ashley Says: Would you like the link back to the order page?

     

    You: No, would you?

     

    I wasn’t interested at this point, but here she turned on her charm, and began to convince me.

     

    Ashley Says: Just remember Auction Monster is so confident that you will become a valued loyal user of our products and services, that we are willing to give you $300 in advertising credits, and our top selling Money Making eBay eBook absolutely free when you take advantage of this SECRET OFFER!

     

    Ashley Says: I mean, all we require of you is to pay a small shipping and handling fee.  Don't you think it's worth a $1.87 to at least try it?

     

    You: You remember that you don't eat yellow snow! At least, not without asking first.

     

    To be polite I thought that if she was going to remind me of something, I should return the favour.

     

    Ashley Says: This is an exciting opportunity, don't you agree?

     

    You: Not as exciting as flying to the moon! Can I do that instead?!

     

    I wasn’t feeling very interested so far, but as soon as she mentioned going to the moon, my eyes flew wide open!

     

    Ashley Says: Starting your own online business has never been easier than it is today... and we can show you how!

     

    Unfortunately, I suppose she thought I wasn’t the moon type. I was rather disappointed.

     

    You: You can?!?! But what about the moon!!!!!!!!!! Why won't you let me live, Ashley, why won't you let me live?!?!?!

     

    Ashley Says: I'm a real person.

     

    Luckily, she calmed me down and abated my grief by reminding me that she was a real person too, with feelings and dreams and fears, and it was wrong for me to be so self-centered about my lunar dreams.

     

    You: I'm a real person too.

     

    So I assured her of the same thing.

     

    Ashley Says: The Auction Monster Toolkit provides detailed and easy to follow instructions to maximize profits with little known and proven strategies.

     

    You: I... see. By the way, I work for Windows International. How are the windows where you live? With this cold weather of late, you can hardly afford to let you or your family go cold, you know.

     

    It was at this point that I began to get a little bored, so I turned on the ol’ charm myself, and tried to sell her something myself.

     

    Ashley Says: California, LA area

     

    You can see it worked, as she begins to bare all to me.

     

    You: And are you in need of new windows?

     

    Ashley Says: If you need help, please call us toll free at 1-800-609-5118.

     

    She even gave me her phone number!

     

    You: I did hear that the American coasts are going to disappear under the ocean in the next couple of decades. You really want to be prepared for that. A nice set of windows can do that for you.

     

    You: What do you say, Ashley. Are ya interested? Because if so, all I need is your home address and your credit card number for you to qualify for this amazing offer!

     

    Ashley Says: No credit card? CLICK HERE and get a credit card now.  It's absolutely free with no credit checks..

     

    Ashley Says: It's a great credit card and you can apply online!

     

    She seemed a little concerned with credit cards and money, but everybody has faults, right? There still might be a chance for us.

     

    You: No, no, not my credit card, your credit card!

     

    Ashley Says: OK, Maybe this offer was not right for you.  Let me show you a home base business that will help you earn a $5,000 bonus.  Just CLICK HERE for more details.

     

    This, sadly, was the first sign that maybe we weren’t destined to be together. She hinted that *sob* Maybe the offer wasn’t for me after all.

     

    You: You are right. And maybe you don't need those windows. How bought a nice door instead?

     

    Ashley Says: Understandable, but please don't hesitate, this is a limited time discount that I am authorized to offer you right now through this chat. CLICK HERE because this offer may not be available tomorrow.

     

    You: CLICK HERE for my super max discount on a new door! I'm excited.

     

    However, it seemed we were not to be. I waited a while, but she didn’t respond, so I figured it was time to break things off.

     

    You: You know, I don't feel that this relationship is going anywhere. Unless you can offer me something special.... something nobody else is willing to do, I think I am going to have to leave you.

     

    You: No, don't cry Ashley.

     

    You: You'll survive.

     

    You: This hurts me more than it hurts you, but it’s for the best.

     

    You: See, I need a person with... well... intelligence, and well... a person who really exists.

     

    You: But don't worry, I am sure there is a nice he-bot out there on the web for you too.

     

    You: Best of luck with that.

     

    You: And call me if you ever need a door or a window, ok?

     

    Ashley Says: Fantastic... just CLICK HERE to get back to the order page.

     

    Ashley Says: Okay great. CLICK HERE and fill out the page in order to take advantage of this last-minute bonus offer

     

    You can tell she was hurt, but she put on a brave face.

     

     

     

    Since when did people start using bots to sell you stuff online?

     

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