I’ve been blocked! Blocked, I say! Yes, I was as shocked as you are. I’m delightful. I’m fantastic, and friendly, and oh so polite! But apparently that isn’t enough for the braintrust that runs the ever aspiring, loftily thoughtful Lovelyish. Apparently, in their infinite quest to provide the most idiotic content on the web, Jessica’s team of superstar bloggers crafted a post so cunning, so devilishly clever, it couldn’t BUT attract both attention and praise: pictures of random celebrities’ packages.

Fantastic. Penis-through-the-pants pictures.

I think if mancouch had done a celebrity camel toe post, they’d get called chauvinist pigs. But, of course, Lovelyish is held to a different standard. Dare I say… a female standard? (I kid, I kid! You know I love the fairer sex). Anyway, apparently slobbering crudity is A-OK for Ms Misener. And yet, what’s NOT ok is pointing out the rampant unprofessionalism of the post.

They blocked me!

I! A loyal reader! A friendly and helpful frequent commenter!

Clearly, this is part of the same brilliant plan that’s led mancouch, thehardestlevel, thepopsite, tripcrazed, hoodstars, and dollarish (am I forgetting any?) to outlandish success.

Blog on, ish sites, blog on.

Here we have bookish dreams, a heart unhinged by theories. Here we see resolution in the first stage, but resolution of a special kind: he resolved to do it like jumping over a precipice or from a bell tower and his legs shook as he went to the crime. He forgot to shut the door after him, and he murdered two people for a theory.

 I was walking alone in the woods. And I thought… what if a cougar attacks me! What would I do? Do I see any solid sticks around? What about my pocket knife. Would that be a suitable weapon?

What if, when I stabbed it, the blade snapped closed over my fingers!

Maybe I can climb a tree. Can cats climb trees? Crap, yes! I’m screwed, then.

Oh, well. Maybe there are no cougars around!

Walking on, walking on, suddenly I hear a noise!

Freeze! Is it behind me right now?! Oh, god! Turn around, slowly… slowly… slowly… and look!

Nope. Nothing there. Keep walking.

Sit on a bench on the edge of the woods. Wonder if putting my sun glasses on the back of my head will work like masks and tigers in India, and convince cougars I’m looking at it, so it thinks it can’t sneak up on me, so it won’t pounce.

Unless it doesn’t think my sunglasses look like eyes! Crap, they’re sliding down the back of my head! Why don’t I have a nose back there, anyway?

Oh well.

Sigh, look out over the vista, and then carve my name into the bench. Now I have a legacy in Smallville!

Walk on.

Wonder how long the carving will last. Maybe I should have made it bigger. How did that guy in that movie carve his name into the wood of that ship?  Maybe he had a bigger knife.

I need a bigger knife.

I wonder what the laws are on carrying knives? How big is illegal? I bet a big knife would help me fight a cougar!

God, is THAT a cougar, now?! No, just a squirrel.

Walk on.